I guess there’s only so long you can look through a hazy brown windscreen and tell yourself that your car is meant to be beige. This has got a little embarrassing now:

[How, I hear you ask, can I possibly solicit men on the street with a car this dirty - don’t worry - I have not asked myself the same question] 

So might as well clean it at least once this year, don’t want 2010 getting any ideas of superiority. However, the cleaning process or ‘journey’ to an effectively washed car is very precise. (If you’re panicking at this stage: don’t - the steps are below.) 

Numero 1: 

use the lever indicated above to wind up those windows: water can easily splash right in. 

Numero 2: 

Close the doors - water can get in this way to. 

Stage 3: 

Glove up: I painted my nails and that car has grimy shit on it and stuff, not wearing gloves would be illogical and unhygienic… 

Stage 4 is to wash the car - now this was too hot to visually depict.

Stage 5: 

Put feet up and allow car to naturally dry and shine itself. (optional: consume an ice cream) 

Stage six: Clean it a bit again as you realise the first time you cleaned it you were sort of just smearing the dirt around. (Again too hot to show) 

Lucky stage number 7: 

rejoice now your car is your friend again (and not just a friend you pretend to like.) 

FIN