Do you have one of these? 

If so you may not be harnessing all of its potential. Forget those suckers on match.com spending indeterminate amounts of money to find ‘love’ - all you need is one of the above. First: break it. Second: a washing machine repair company will send an eligible (and in no way pervert) man to your door. 

So a rastafarien turns up at our flat. We hear him smashing around in the kitchen for a bit before he calls us to say he doesn’t know what’s wrong. (This is all part of the ritual) Then BAM he is a potential man suitor: ‘You two are nice, I could go for either of you.’ 

(Great. I can see no problems with this arrangement) 

…but he has identified a potential roadblock - ’You’re students though, bet you’re only 18 or 19.’  

(argh - oh no - well - dam it) 

This was only the beginning of his charm offensive.

He also proved to be quite the intellectual maverick- I asked why this machine got clogged up so quickly - he says ‘Do you have a lot of fluffly, like fluffy clothes?’ …..Well where else is a girl supposed to wash her gorilla costume. 

Chance that he noticed us leave very soon after each other, and then heard us laugh in our separate rooms?  -> quite high.