Having taken the challenge last night to call the leisure centre and ask if they sell goggles, without saying the word goggles, I turn up at ass o’clock this morning for some adult ‘adult lane swimming’.  Naturally some keeners are already pool-ing it up - (if you wanna get established in the fast lane, the pool opens at 6.30am)…

[This is similar to how I look when I swim but I’m less manly and more dolphin like]

…But then there’s the youth-ish lifeguard; to be honest it’s a little embarrassing, who’s drowning during ‘adult lane swimming’ in a ~6ft deep pool? If you found yourself in ‘trouble’ all you’d need to do is step in the appropriate direction and you’d be on the incline to oxygen/life. Fair enough lifeguard the kids, they’re a bit shit at swimming, but the time you most need your life guarding is when you’ve done an illegal amount of swimming and then leave the pool to enter the land faring world again. I found myself barely able to walk - stumbling around near oncoming traffic. So point for consideration  instead of watching you thrash around in the water half naked, (slightly unfair as they get to wear their timeless red’n’yellow number),  lifeguards should walk you home.