September 2011
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I just got inducted
I was made redundant this summer at the tender age of 20, from a job that i loved (sarcasm).
I was loathed to look for another part-time job because of the ridiculous interview process, er it’s a part-time job - obv i’m doing it for cash - all you need on a c.v is ‘non-retarded’ and ‘can pretend to be happy about the job whilst doing it’
But now I have a...
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In other news I want to be in a FLASH MOB
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ3d3KigPQM
How can I be part of this? This is the coolest thing alive (just fyi I have seen this before, but I have just not vocalised my desire to be in one)
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August 2011
8 posts
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Alpha L for Lama X directory Sierra
What is wrong with just saying letters over the phone? I say letters all the time, I know what they sound like - if I was going to tell you how to spell my name I wouldn’t give you a list of other words. I had two phone calls this morning with people doing this irritating word association game. I have to be like - I’m sorry - ‘whiskyxdirectory’ -what is that w..? and then...
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The Polo is a beast
I went to Ikea cos I don’t have a bed and I want a sofa bed but I don’t wanna spend loadse of dolla’ - after what seems like hours trekking around the maze of stuff for houses (yawn) - I get to the warehouse bit where all the stuff is in boxes - an’ i’m looking at the box an’ i’m thinking about my little car - I have a tape measure (but who am I kidding I...
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Summer in Oslo
The best June to August ever…here’s a fast, random collection of memories
My summer roomies and I…
The cafteria sign at work that made me chuckle, for every carnivore that eats this food - one vegetarian will die.
There was drinking
Dancing
A whole lot of love
Some swimming in da lake (Jeg liker Stemmern - det ser veldig norske) Had to include this motha...
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I have trust issues with hairdressers
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July 2011
1 post
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June 2011
6 posts
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....I hope it said happy birthday
Thought I saw someone buy a card the other day that said ’ Happy father’s day cocksucker’ : new levels of wrong.
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“About to go for a run in what looks like the pre-apocalypse”
– Famous last words/ my good self
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God sent rain to smite our errands
We had some casual errands to fulfil - frequent the post office / visit the bibliotheque.
We take a casual amount of time to prepare for ‘the outside’ - we’re ready - then we think to have some lunch - we finally leave - close the door to our flat - the revenge of the clouds occurs. A torrential downpour of epic proportions. Well, going back into the flat seems counter...
quixim asked: Long slender feet are the best! Could we see them?
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Sweatshop
Inadvertently ran 6 miles on Tuesday: my feet told me I needed new trainers. Well shit - last time I bought running shoes was 2 years ago - main points of contention: I have long feet, I have slim feet, women’s running shoes go up to some sort of pygmy size 7, men’s running shoes get wider as they get larger.
If I’m going to take this running thing seriously I figure I should...
May 2011
18 posts
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If this was remembering a crime
… the evidence would be highly unreliable. Have now spent 2 hours (on/off - we have lives*) trying to remember what film we all (me flatmates etc) watched at the end of 2009. Turns out it’s v.difficult to remember the past.
Still don’t know what the film was, but we have deduced that we would all be very good detectives. We have detective minds…
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Now we wait for Batman
Just saw a kid shoot a tramp with a toy gun. Very surreal - seemed like some sort of comment on the state of society - reminded me of the start of Batman Begins.
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bin tumblr slacking, what with that uni-work thing...
Hey why not have a bit of a ‘recent life occurings’ update.
So went to hand some work in - climbed all the stairs - realised i didn’t have a pen to fill out the form. But wait - there are some people using a pen, and there is a pen next to them - the pen doesn’t belong to them - result. Naturally I then steal the pen. Here is the pen:
(it’s blurry as i...
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“Imagine if you said right now - I’m going to marry your ass - and we could...”
– A drunk, but very chatty, Welsh man on a train.
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I would put a representative picture, but then I...
Out on the raz in Wimbledon. I step outside to keep my friend company on a cigarette break. We enjoy the pleasant summer evening. The front of the pub is open. We turn around to go back and there is a spider, on a man near the door. Now this is not like a small, socially acceptable spider - this is a motha-flippin’ massive spider that looks like it has broken out of the zoo. It was crawling...
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Recall of offensive items.
Five guys walking down the highstreet yesterday evening, all wearing colour variations of the item above. Two guys walking towards them, also wearing the item above. (Maybe they nodded in approval at each other as they passed) But seriously - if you’re going to wear the ‘chequered shirt’, make sure, before you go out, all of your friends aren’t wearing it too. And then...
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I can see ASDA from my kitchen, but...
…my food shelf:
Dinner would be just a little too creative.
But - my thing is - as long as this situation:
…is ok - ASDA can wait.
thepartsthebirdslove asked: Is it okay to mock people just because they're short? Mock, or maybe even a caj bit of menacing?
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tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
burbanked asked: Thanks for the follow!
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If anyone has Mayfair I'll swap it for 250 grand
Back in the (wilt)shire, my bruv and I decided we’d like half a million pounds. Where is this kind of money available to commoners I hear you ask? The golden arches of dreams - that’s where. So we rolled to Macky D’s, making a deal that if either of us got the Park Lane and Mayfair sticker we’d split the money: like on that show Golden Balls. (Where in actual fact everyone...
April 2011
10 posts
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Dirty polo
I guess there’s only so long you can look through a hazy brown windscreen and tell yourself that your car is meant to be beige. This has got a little embarrassing now:
[How, I hear you ask, can I possibly solicit men on the street with a car this dirty - don’t worry - I have not asked myself the same question]
So might as well clean it at least once this year, don’t want...
AD-VERT-ISMENT
Do you have one of these?
If so you may not be harnessing all of its potential. Forget those suckers on match.com spending indeterminate amounts of money to find ‘love’ - all you need is one of the above. First: break it. Second: a washing machine repair company will send an eligible (and in no way pervert) man to your door.
So a rastafarien turns up at our flat. We hear him...
If only skipping was socially acceptable....
….I would have skipped home from work because I just landed a job in Norway over the summer. (fuck yeah)
Contender for highlight of the year....
So I spent the afternoon casually sitting by the river - some guy rows his inflatable canoe to the bank and proceeds to climb onto land. He has obviously experienced some sort of ‘deflation-leakage’ situation, as he chucks his soaked bags on to the shore and then attempts to get the water out of the canoe. This is the point I realise he has issues: both facially and mentally. He...
I need to pur-chase some plastic eye protection...
Having taken the challenge last night to call the leisure centre and ask if they sell goggles, without saying the word goggles, I turn up at ass o’clock this morning for some adult ‘adult lane swimming’. Naturally some keeners are already pool-ing it up - (if you wanna get established in the fast lane, the pool opens at 6.30am)…
[This is similar to how I look when I...
March 2011
1 post
Bypass of first dubious and apologetic post
One human: one year. (Yeah it’s profound.)